Of Tylenol and AK47's
by Lilac Papillon
Summary: Gus is in trouble, and Shawn saves the day once again, unexpectedly and very, very unusually. One-shot, crackfic. EMPHASIS on crackfic. I dare you to read it without going "wtf is this" even once.


**Of Tylenol and AK-47's  
by: Xin Fyrrae**

**A/N: **Okay. I have _no idea _how this was created. All I remember is my friend telling me to write Psych and anime cross-over on MSN. And somehow, this resulted.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own "Psych", nor anything else referenced heavily in this fic. They're owned by people who should own it, because if I owned it, I would probably ruin it. Enjoy the fic.

* * *

It was not a good day for Burton Guster. He had just gotten out of a cold, he had almost got hit by an oncoming school bus, and now, he had cut his finger trying to slice bananas for his peanut butter and banana sandwich.

_Well, it can't get any worse than this, _Gus thought grimly with a sigh as he opened the drawer to his pharmaceutical office desk and pulled out a box of bandaids. _Why did I decide to bring my lunch to work anyways, especially when I'm the only one on night shift?_

Suddenly, at that exact moment, there was the sound of a gun being cocked, and Gus looked up to see the end of an AK-47 being pointed at his face. "Alright, punk, you know the drill here!" a masked man in black barked at Gus, who shrieked and fell to the floor in a mixture of shock and fear. "Give us the stuff!"

"And this!" another masked man in black cried, and pulled out a small piece of paper from his pockets, placing it on the counter. "I need Tylenol T3, please, I've got like the worst pain in my teeth ever since that root canal three days back."

The first masked man's shoulders slouched as his head turned to face his partner's. "You are _such_ an idiot sometimes," he groused. The other man scoffed and raised his hands in questioning. Gus chose this moment of opportunity to crawl behind one of the container shelves and pull out his cellphone, preparing to dial 9-1-1.

At that moment though, his cellphone ran out of battery and died. "Hey, what the hell?!" the man with the AK-47 yelled, poking his head in and pointing the gun at Gus. "We told you to give us the stuff! Do it, damn it!"

Gus' eyes shifted nervously. "Uhm, look, they're just over there!" he cried, pointing a finger.

The man turned around to look. "Where?!" he yelled.

It was then that Gus chose this opportunity to use his recent Wiimote-handling skills, and chucked his phone at the robber's head, who promptly yelped and fell over facefirst. While the other man assisted to help him, Gus frantically stumbled up and sprinted towards the door, but not before he slipped on a banana peel and fell facefirst into the floor as well.

_Oh, no… _Gus thought as he forced himself to sit up, just to see the first man aiming the large gun at him again and the other man looking through the sections of medicine – jeez, the Tylenol wasn't anywhere near the menstruation medications! Gus was just about to try to find another means of not getting his head shot off, when at that moment, there was the sound of medicine bottles being knocked over from over the counter.

"Looks like you've learned a lesson of why you should make sure to throw away your litter, Gus!" a familiar voice cried out, and suddenly, three bottles of Echinacea, Penicillin, and Aspirin smacked into the first man's face, causing him to fall over backwards this time. The other man continued to search for his Tylenol, completely unaware of his partner's F-bombs of pain and anger.

Gus gasped, and turned around. "No way, how did you – " he gasped excitedly, then froze as his smile immediately was flipped upside down.

Right behind him was none other than his good friend Shawn Spencer, dressed in a female Japanese school uniform outfit that was directly ripped off of that Sailor Moon cartoon, including the ridiculous short blue skirt, the long white gloves, and the high-heeled red boots.

The man grinned and placed his hands on his hips. "Have no fear, Ovaltine Jenkins, I'm a sailor soldier fighting for money and justice, and maybe just a little more. I'll save you from the vile villains!" Shawn beamed, then pursed his lips and dangled a crescent star dangling from his ear. "You think the magnetic earrings were too much?" he murmured, looking into space thoughtfully.

Gus's jaw practically dropped all the way into the Earth's core. _"SHAWN?!"_ he wheezed, eyes practically bulging out of their sockets. "What in the good holy name of Jesus is THIS?!"

"Don't worry, Gus, I've got it all under control!" the man with jeweled-hairclips in his tousled brown hair called back, giving his friend a thumbs-up. "They won't know what hit them!"

"Of course not, they'll probably fall over dead from suffocation since they won't be able to stop laughing!" Gus snapped back, avoiding looking at Shawn, who pointed at the very confused robbers who were now paying very good attention to them right now.

"Oh," Shawn said, looking up. "Oh, well, that's not good. That's not controlled at all." With that said, Shawn grabbed another two bottles from the shelves and hurled them at the two robbers. The bottles collided with their foreheads smack center and caused them to groan and cry out in pain yet again. "See, _now_ it's under control."

"I demand an explanation for this," Gus warned, glaring dangerously (and regretfully) at Shawn.

Shawn rolled his eyes. "Tsk tsk, Gus, Gus, Gus. we're gonna have to talk with your mom about your serious lack of manners," he sighed, placing a hand on Gus' shoulder (who immediately stepped away from Shawn).

"Hey, the Tylenol I need!" the other guy exclaimed, holding up the orange bottle that hit his head to the light. He looked back at Gus, Shawn, and his partner. "Oh, right, the robbery."

"You crossdressing son of a – " the first man growled, and charged after Shawn, despite having a gun in his hands before. Shawn quickly dived out of the way, but unfortunately, he miscalculated where the robber was running, for the robber tripped over his legs, which unfortunately, were not as pretty as the uniform Shawn was wearing.

"Ow!" Shawn winced, glaring at the man angrily, who's landed right near Shawn's rear end. "You pervert!" With that said, he kicked his leg back, his heel connecting with the side of the man's skull, causing him to crouch into a ball and screech in pain as Shawn stood up. "And that's what you get for looking at a pretty person's legs!"

"Just for the record, your legs don't look very pretty," the man on the ground hissed. Shawn huffed and kicked him in the side again.

The other robber immediately grabbed the AK-47 his partner had left behind and aimed it towards Shawn. "Shawn, look out!" Gus shouted.

"It's okay, Gus, I know what to do, and I knew he'd do it, because I remembered the gun was over there!" Shawn said. With that he pulled out a bag from behind the counter and rummaged through it, just as the first man stood up and stepped towards Shawn, his eyes flaming with fury.

"Shawn!" Gus pleaded, his back against the counter.

"Aha! Here we go!" With that, Shawn spun around, his skirt billowing (much to Gus' disdain, who gagged and nearly smacked Shawn across the head) as he held up two pineapples in his hands.

The two men immediately stopped in their tracks, and exchanged frantic glances. _"PUNISHING PSYCHIC PINEAPPLE PARTAY!" _Shawn screamed, and skulled the pineapples at the two men. The fruits collided into their heads with a lovely sounding bashing sound and a _smush _as it fell on the ground as the two men collapsed to the ground, unconscious and defeated.

"And so once again, justice has been served on two slices of bread spread with peanut butter, and the day is saved, thanks to the Power of Pineapples!" Shawn exclaimed happily, picking up the AK-47 and giving it to Gus. He looked at him solemnly. "But seriously, speaking of sandwiches, mind if I have that sandwich sitting on your desk?"

Gus threw the gun back on the ground. "Go right on ahead, I think I just lost my appetite, along with what's left of my sanity," he snapped, folding his arms and shaking his head.

Shawn shrugged. "Well, I guess you'd better leave," he said, bending down to grab one of the smashed pineapples. "I don't exactly like peanut butter without my favorite fruit of the loom. Ah, like preying on the dead you took triump over."

Gus's face turned a pale green, and as he ran to the washroom while Shawn cut the pineapple, a Vicodin bottle was taken stealthily away from the pharmacy and into the night as a man with a cane drove back on a motorcycle to Princeton Plainsborough Hospital.

* * *

**_Feedback, comments, criticism, and even flames why the hell not are greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading!_**


End file.
